结婚两年有余,我鉴于无法受孕做了三次小型手术,身体一回回历经疼痛,心里更是充斥恐惧,惧怕自己无法生育子女,惧怕老公会背弃我,于此事老公给到我极大支持,陪我赶赴医院,照料我,使得我目睹了他的爱意与责任心。
可是,我们也是会发生争吵的。最开始的时候,他为我准备饭菜,心里想着只要我吃了饭就应该没事了,然而我却觉得,必须要把生气的缘由清晰地交流明白才行。后来他瞧见我吃了饭却依旧没恢复好,于是就和我陷入了冷战期间,最终,还是经过我主动去进行沟通并且哭诉一番之后,两人才算是重归于好。
最近的一回吵架,缘由是“白人宝宝”的那则新闻。我讲这属于对女性的不信任,他称“小概率的事件,多数情况就是出轨”。我询问为何不能信任妻子,他列举娱乐圈的实例,说信任不会有好的结果。我听着心里发凉,觉着往后倘若出现信任危机,他也会这般去想。
他发起火来,讲出这样一番话「倘若我对你缺少信任,又怎会这般低声下气充当舔狗」。并且还说道「那些事情,你要是不愿意去做,那就没必要表现得好像遭受了多么大的委屈一样」。我一下子惊愕不已——我原本以为他所展现出的好意是源于爱与责任,然而他却认为那是低声下气?
隔天,我觉着自身或许过度去揣测了,于是主动同他讲话,然而他对我不理不睬。之后我前往医院进行复查,此时他就连问都不问了。
我晓得问题出在了哪里,在他讲出“低三下四”这个表述的时候,我全然没有察觉到他内心的委屈以及失望之情,反倒去指责他“不想做就别做”,那一句话犹如一盆冷水,致使他认为自身的付出是不值得的,而且没有尊严可言。
实际上,那个被称作“白人宝宝”的提问,并非是我因清闲而进行八卦之举,而是一次带有试探性质的行为。我在尝试试探他是不是信任我,会不会将我抛弃。三次手术致使我内心充斥着恐惧,然而我并未直接把这种感觉表达出来,而是运用了这种方式来旁敲侧击。他并非心理咨询师,根本无法识别出这是一种试探行为,仅仅觉得我是在无理取闹。
此次的冲突,实际上是瞧见彼此真切感受的良好契机。我能够对他讲:“老公,我才刚听你那般表述很是震惊。我先前压根就不晓得你会将对我的好视作舔狗行径。你是不是在好多时候都觉着颇为委屈呀?”我得先察觉到他的情绪,并且与他保持同频状态。
我得再度承认自身的那种恐惧,说道:“老公,我提及白人宝宝的那件事,实际上是源于我内心深处特别害怕。我经历了三次手术之后依旧没能怀上孩子,我惧怕你会将我抛弃。”。
承认知悉害怕并非是可耻之事,径直去表述脆弱,相较于进行试探展现出的效果要更显著许多,有着诸多的误会以及争吵,皆是源于我们对于自身、对于他人的情绪以及需求完全没有任何的察觉认知,夫妻之间发生争吵并非可怕的状况,令人惧怕的是在争吵结束之后,依旧无法看见对方内心的真实想法。


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